Current mood:	calm as a storm
Current music:	Schubert D960 John Perry

Anticipating another wasted summer...
I started working on the application for the Pierre Monteux School this week and I have to say I feel rather helpless. I don't even see the point in applying anymore. I just crunched some numbers, and realistically there's really no hope for me to come up with the money to pay for it all. Tuition is $2500, travel expenses should come to another $1500, food and random expenses will be about $500, buying orchestral scores will cost me another few hundred bucks if not more. So I'm looking at around $4500 total cost for the program if I get in. They do offer limited financial aid, but I'm sure I'll still need to come up with at least $3500... at BEST I'm going to have only $1000 saved up by the time summer starts.

At least I'm not in a situation like last year where I couldn't even pay my summer rent... that was really tough... if I can't somehow come up with the money for the conducting program, this is going to be another wasted summer for me. Last year I got into Medomak, but I couldn't go because of the same god damn reason. I saved as much as I could all year hoping to go somewhere this summer... but with all the unexpected thousands of dollars spent on family and immigration bullshit, here I am looking at another summer in SB. I worked damn hard to save too, and I watched it all go down the drain for things I had no control over. And I haven't even purchased my eye glasses yet (even though everything's a complete blur and I'm dizzy half of the day staring into the distance), not to mention taking care of my wisdom teeth. That shit's gonna cost me and I've been waiting over 2 years now to come up with the money for it. I can take the pain and the crooked teeth if it means saving money to go study at the Pierre Monteux School.

I just hate all the richass spoiled bastards out there who get to go to these things without worrying about a thing. I know dozens of 'em. I met a load of them too at Bard couple summers ago. Just a bunch of stuck up preppy east coast sons of bitches. On top of it all, they sucked. Well, most of them did anyway. Good for them for having a daddy and a mommy to pay for it all. I hope they're fuckin happy.

In the worst case scenario, I've already been chosen to be a staff/mentor at a special summer program at UCSB for gifted high school students from around the country. I'm not sure what it's called, but the professor in charge of the program asked me to work for her if I am here this summer. So that should take care of my rent (hopefully). I'll still be conducting the reading orchestra throughout the summer months as well as teaching my private students... so it won't be as bad as it was last year.

Wait, who am I kidding?

The rep at Pierre Monteux this summer includes Brahms 3, Mahler 5 and Tchaik 5.

*pause*... okay, Let me say that again now that I've changed my pants.

Brahms 3. Mahler 5. Tchaik 5.

Let's be frank here. If I miss out, I'm probably going to become VERY suicidal.